Trying to explain
I was fairly surprised that anyone would be so vindictive and unpleasant but, as the other comments, emails, phone calls and texts arrived over the next couple of days, I knew that one person’s cruelty and anything that I may have to deal with as a result didn’t matter in the greater scheme of things.
I have received emails from some people, asking why I have taken my old entries offline and saying they are disappointed because they found my blog helpful and they think it is unfair of me to hide my past by removing the entries. They asked if I am ashamed of my illness. I am writing this entry to reply to them and the others who have been so supportive.
I am moving my diary back to Live Journal, where I feel safer in the knowledge that it is “friends only”. I have mainly enjoyed being able to be open and honest to the world about my good and bad sides and try to show people my path to recovery via this blog. Now, however, my feelings have changed. I removed the old entries on Saturday night because, as I wrote on Sunday, I can’t afford to look back anymore. I need to look forward and my blog contained too much of the past I am moving on from.
Since receiving the comment on Sunday, I am sure that I have done the right thing. There are too many people out there who, for whatever reasons, want to prevent me from moving on and I certainly don’t feel happy thinking that they can look into my inner thoughts. I struggle to tell how I feel in therapy, but I have always found I am able to do this in writing and my blog has been an amazing therapeutic tool. It is for those reasons that I am returning to LJ, where I am now going to write all about this fantastic, incredible and soul-restoring week.
I will not close this blog because I hope to continue to use it for certain things, but maybe not for a while and never again to tell my innermost feelings.